There is this belief that you shouldn’t talk about politics, religion, or money on a first date. Well, I am here to tell you, “Talking about money is important!”

When we are going on a date, either a first date or after years of dating someone, knowing and sharing common expectations about the cost of the date and who pays what amount, can help build intimacy and let you enjoy yourself. 

When we date, we usually try to impress our date. This often means paying more than we would usually for a dinner or event or gift. And that can strain our available finances, meaning higher stress beyond the date. It can also strain the budding or established relationship through resentment or distraction because of money. 

Set expectations early by talking about what is a realistic amount for you to spend on a date. This means talking about what money you have available for dates; You don’t have to overshare information or details about your money at this point in a relationship. Some couples choose to set a dollar limit and each pay a portion towards the date. This may be 30%/70% depending on how much available income they have after paying their basic expenses or how much income they each make.

Paying 50/50 for a date only makes sense if each person has that money available for dates. Some couples decide to take turns paying for dates. This can lead to creative dates that cost less money, like taking homemade hot chocolate to the tobogganing hill or eating at home before going to a local concert. If the other person makes more income, they can then decide how much they want to spend on a date. The right decision for each couple is based on their situation and their decision together. It is important to be transparent about your available income and being kind to one another.

You may be surprised how relieved your date is to know they don’t have to spend money they may not have on dates and stretch themselves beyond their budget. Setting realistic expectations early in a relationship can help build a strong foundation. 

As you get to know someone, discuss your experience with money and how you budget. This can help you learn about one another, what things may be a barrier going forward and what you can agree on when it comes to money.

A lot of people have been told not to talk about money, to keep it private, and maybe even that talking about money is shameful or taboo. And talking about money can feel scary and awkward. Having difficult conversations can help you grow and help your relationship grow. It takes trust, so do this when trust has been established. If a relationship is getting serious, that is a good time to broach more intimate topics, like finances.

These conversations can focus on your goals, beliefs and experiences with money; You don’t have to talk about actual dollar amounts. Sometimes your beliefs will align with one another. Other times they won’t the goal is to learn more about one another, see potential barriers that can be overcome and what may cause problems in the future. You can also learn from one another when you share information the other person doesn’t have. 

Talk about how to manage shared resources and money if you are going to move in with someone or share resources with them. Having these conversations before moving in or committing long-term can strengthen relationships. This limits the financial surprises that can come up.

If someone is dealing with debt from their past, you may decide as a couple to keep your finances separate to protect both people. A couple may decide to share one bank account and add to that account a set amount each pay cheque or month so shared costs can come out of that account. Others may decide to have one joint account and share all income and expenses. The decisions you make are up to you and your partner. Making these decisions will be easier if you have established realistic expectations from the start of your relationship and been transparent about your beliefs about and habits with money.

IF you want to talk about your finances with a professional, Caroline, our Financial Literacy Program Coordinator, is available. Text or call her at 519-378-4773 to set an appointment. It is free, confidential, and available to anyone in Grey and Bruce Counties.